... or you might just be crazy.
I finally felt like I got back in the saddle of my life. I got back to learning, writing, doing, and rooting myself in discipline and motivation — to get bucked right off again.
I alluded to previous health issues that were being wrapped up in my first article. Long story short, I am having issues with my vision, which is scary enough as it is. In the span of a day, I heard from a retina specialist and a neuro-ophthalmologist that my problems could be a brain infection, brain cancer, a stroke, MS, or I could just be crazy. They told me that I’m in no place to hang my hat on being able to see still and that a long few weeks of tests and imagery are in my future.
It’s hard not to dwell when you don’t know and it’s hard to stop when I just regained my momentum.
However, it got me thinking about a William Carlos Williams poem in Spring and All. Somebody dies every four minutes in New York State. Interestingly enough, with some sketchy Google searches and math, the death rate has only slightly increased since 1922. This poem comes up in the back of my mind every time mortality comes up in my life.
I’ll post the poem at the bottom of the page because it’s in the public domain, but I do recommend reading all of Spring and All if you get the chance. He starts the poem with the stark reminder that not only does everyone die, but that it’s happening every four minutes. He then, what I have always interpreted as, writes from the perspective of the critics of his poetry, that it doesn’t matter like everything else in life.
It’s what breaks the thought of pointlessness: “What the hell do you know about it?” that always gets stuck in my mind. The next line, in all capitals, “AXIOMS” as if it is an answer, followed by “Do not get killed.” That’s all I repeat in my head when I get stuck on the possibilities. The poem is then followed by two or possibly three translations from ads/commercials in the newspaper in 1922. I’ve always taken them as extensions to the axiom: be careful, appreciate, and enjoy what’s there.
At the end of the day, I will probably be all right and if I am not, I will probably get through it. It’s okay to lose momentum again and just focus on the axioms. I am going to enjoy a walk now, and I hope you can too.
Spring and All: XXV Somebody dies every four minutes by William Carlos Williams